i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
