I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
