I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize