It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
