I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
