I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
