we're chasing vodka with high fives
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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