I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels