We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...