I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
