We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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