I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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