There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The police scanner is talking about you again....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
