Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..