the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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