the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms