I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.