Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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