Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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