When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.