Don't you send me to vm
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.