Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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