Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

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(925): View more from California

After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.

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(727): View more from Florida

The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.

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