If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?