Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
