All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
