the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
