Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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