i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
