After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
