I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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