Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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