but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
