Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
