Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
