is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
