it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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