even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
