I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
