Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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