My nipple is on Facebook.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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