i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
