I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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