You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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