The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
