i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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