Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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