I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
