Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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