Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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