It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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