Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
