I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
