I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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