i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
