Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So. Much. Porn.
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