wanna go halves on a baby?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
