CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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