I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
