How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
