remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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