He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
