Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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