is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
