Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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