sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
