just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
