We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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