Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
