In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
