We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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