Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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