She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
