dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
