good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
