Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
