Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
