Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
