I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
