my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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