Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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