In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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