question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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